A Villanelle for Murder.

SPECIAL CREDIT TO HER WHO HELPED ME WRITE THIS :)
The firey eyes that I loved so
The stain of love across my hands.
Afraid of where the love might go.

He whispered things as if to show
He held the ability to let the world know
The firey eyes that I loved so.

We walked hand in hand across the snow,
My heart beat hard against my chest
Afraid of where the love might go.

Our only company was a doe.
As she raced through the snow, her eyes could mimick
The firey eyes that I loved so.

I leaned to kiss his lips so slow.
But at the time little could he see
Afraid of where the love might go.

The long cold blade slips easily from it hiding place.
Thrust through layers of heavy cloth into flesh, through bone.
The firey eyes that I loved so,
afraid of where the love migt go.

This is an awesome idea and I love the story but it doesn't flow well at all and is very confusing. Please give suggestions as to how this could be improved.

Dance on the Moon

Then I waltzed with the man on the moon.
We danced through the stars happy alone.
I heard his soft, sweet voice begin to croon
His skin, his hands, his eyes the color of stone
The stars to shine bright, our feet to not stop
Never to be released from his bright gaze
We danced round the moon bottom to top
No eye could penetrate that soft sweet haze.
And I loved him with a deep secret love
And he many time said that he did love me.
He seemed to be a gift sent from above
Meant to be together, was plain to see.
But then I awoke, in my bed alone
My lover had gone leaving me to roam.

This is one of the few things I have written so far in Creative Writing that I have actually liked. It makes no sense and I am very well aware of that. It's why I like it. The poem is about a dream. Dreams usually dont make sense. If you have any criticism please somment because I would love to put this in with my poetry project. Just don't say "It doesn't make sense". I know it doesn't.

Reading Shakspear to my cat

It was early Saturday morning
And I had nothing to do.
My mother mad her usual offers:
“Clean or learn to sew.”

But in my pride or laziness
(Which one I do not know)
I turned down all her offers
And let my stupidity show.

And now, alas, I have wasted my time,
Sitting there upon the mat.
With the large red book in my hand
Reading Shakespeare to my cat.

I wrote this poem as a homework assignment. I couldn't think of any possible subjects, so my mom randomly suggested I do something about reading shakespeare. When I'm bored, I will talk to, or annoy, my cat so I wrote a poem about being bored and projecting that boredom onto my cat by reading shakespeare to her. Yes, my mother really does suggest I learn to sew when I'm bored. That's why I never tell her I'm bored. She will actually give me something productive to do. Which is a great idea for a poem....

Teleportation By Douglas Adams

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Creative Writing first assignment (8/11/09)

I teleported home one day

With Ron and Sid and Meg.

Ron stole Meggie’s heart away

And I got Sidney’s leg.

-Douglas Adams

Since this was such a short poem, I wrote a variation from every characters point of view.

1) I went to lunch the other day,

With Ron and Sid and Doug.

Ron ate everything but the tray,

And Sidney ate the rug.

2) At lunch on Saturday

With Doug and Meg and Sid,

I felt so sick I couldn’t stay

And joke and laugh and kid.

3) I got a call on Saturday

While lunching with my friends.

They to fix the teleporter today.

To late to make amends.